Heartbreak, unfortunately, is universal. Every single person, regardless of his or her age, sex, physical location, life experience, or relationship ‘track record,’ has or will experience the pain of having to move on from a relationship and start over.
This doesn’t make the process any easier, but sometimes reminding yourself that you’re not alone in your pain can make a difference.
Whether you’re in the thick of your breakup, just starting to picture your life without him or her, or reeling from a fresh detachment, here are ways to help you move on and heal.
Remind Yourself of What You Can and Can’t Control
There are many things you can’t control in this life: the weather, when or if you’ll get sick, the person driving on the highway next to you, what tomorrow will bring, etc.
Unfortunately, you can’t control someone’s emotions either. And whether this breakup was your fault, your partner’s, or perhaps neither is to blame and it was simply an issue of timing or different values—it’s important to remember you can’t fix or change something that’s not within your power to.
As much as you want to make things better or heal what’s broken on your own terms, you can’t. And the hardest thing in the world is to accept that and try to let go.
If you really want to move on from a relationship, you have to remember that the only things you can control are your attitude, your healing, and your next step.
Refocus Your Mind on Other Passions
In the aftermath of a broken relationship, it’s important to pivot and focus your attention and energy on the things you love to do. Perhaps there’s a passion you’ve neglected while you were spending your time and energy on the relationship. Take the time to dive back in! Pursue that hobby, explore that creative venture, or maybe, simply, spend time discovering what it is you care about.
Rather than worrying about people, worry about what you love, what you care about, and what sets your heart on fire.
Look at your breakup as an opportunity to dive into projects you’ve never had time for, ideas you’ve never allowed to bloom, or even opportunities you were too scared to pursue.
Shift into Self-Love
The most important relationship you’ll ever have in this life is the one you have with yourself.
Although this may sound cliché, you’ll learn how to move on from a relationship when you stop stressing over who you love and start leaning into who you are. You are worthy, you are valuable, and you deserve affection and care. Prioritize yourself and your needs.
Maybe this looks like taking yourself on dates to the coffee shop, library, or even out to dinner. Maybe this looks like turning off your phone and going ‘screen-free’ after a certain time at night. Maybe this looks like journaling your healing process, or simply saying ‘no’ to some social events so that you can focus on your own self-care.
There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to heal. But when you turn your attention to yourself, it will help you to re-center and find value in who you are again. Knowing who you are and your worth will help you bring the right people into your life, and—if and when you’re ready—help you get back into the dating world.
Surround Yourself with Authentic People
After a breakup, it’s important to surround yourself with people who ‘get it.’
Oftentimes, we go through heartbreak because we were not matched or aligned with the person we were with. This is hard to recognize at first because we were in the ‘honeymoon stage,’ and everything felt right. After the initial butterflies and happy feelings, a relationship needs work. That’s why it’s important to know yourself well enough to know what you need, and know your partner well enough to determine if you’re actually compatible.
As you begin to heal and move on, focus on finding and creating relationships with people whose personality matches with yours.
You can start by taking our FREE personality test which navigates you through a series of questions about what you think, what you’re inclined to do, and how you feel in certain situations. Knowing yourself—and who you’re actually a good match with—will help you to (hopefully!) avoid heartbreak in the future.
Birdy is a personality matching app that removes superficial images and ‘swipes’ in order to help you build genuine and authentic connections. Whether you’re searching for a romantic relationship or a soul friendship, you can download our app for Android or iOS and start meeting people who will truly see and value you for who you are.