How To Let Someone In After Being Hurt

How to let someone in after being hurt
Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

What if I told you that every single person has experienced heartbreak of some sort in their lives? What if I told you that it was normal to feel pain, to feel anger, or to feel sadness at the loss of a relationship you thought would be yours forever? What if I told you that it was challenging to let someone in after being hurt—regardless of your age, life experience, or story—and that I understand the struggle you’re facing trying to navigate stepping back into the dating world again?

But what if I told you that you would be okay?

Here’s the thing: Each and every single person on this planet has experienced a breakup, a broken heart, or a lost connection of some sort. Each and every single person has parted ways with someone they loved at some point along their journey.

In the aftermath of a broken relationship, trying to find your footing is hard. You feel like you’ve lost a part of you, not to mention your sense of self and everything you stand for. Everything changes after the end of a connection—especially a serious one—and imagining yourself ever falling in love again feels like a joke.

But I promise you: Things won’t always be as painful as they are right now.

Here are a few tips for overcoming your heartbreak and learning to let someone in after being hurt.

1. Stop Giving Yourself a Timeline

There is no timeline and no “right” or “wrong” way to move on from what hurts you, especially when it comes to a relationship. Stop giving yourself a deadline to let go of someone. Stop trying to rush your healing. And stop trying to jump into a new connection when you haven’t healed from the previous one.

There will always be opportunities to explore relationships and connections—especially as you start to find yourself again—but you must let this happen naturally.

2. Listen to Your Heart (And Head)

Some of the most well-known (and most cliché) relationship advice is to “listen to your heart.” That’s great, but what does it really mean? For the hopeless romantics, listening to your heart is often synonymous with jumping into new connections and giving a new person your heart.

While this is beautiful and sometimes admirable, it can also be very foolish, too.

That’s why, especially as you move away from heartbreak and consider whether you’re ready to let someone in after being hurt, you have to listen to both your heart and your head.

Your heart is the emotional center that drives you. Your head is the rational side. Seeking a balance between the two will make sure you’re not jumping into something before you’re ready.

3. Be Sure to Find What (And Who) Really Makes Sense

When we’ve been burned, it’s natural to want to avoid pain as much as possible in the future. One way you can effortlessly do this is by understanding who you are, what you stand for, what you believe, and who you resonate with.

At Birdy, we pride ourselves in focusing on personality compatibility and helping our users find matches who are aligned. Understanding how a personality is developed and where you fit is the first step to not only healing from heartbreak, but it is also giving yourself a solid foundation to grow from. 

When you know who you are and who you’re compatible with, it makes it infinitely easier to figure out your “matches” (and who you should let in after being hurt).

4. Be Open to The New and Exciting

This is the fun part about (finally) moving on—when we allow ourselves to say “yes” to people who are aligned and feel right. These are the people who simply “get” us and how we feel, think, and act.

As we explore our new connections (when we’re ready, of course) we are reminded that love is still real and possible. This is exciting, and opens the door for all of the special moments we’ve shied away from in our pain.

At the end of the day, we have all gone through (and will go through) heartbreak from time to time. Although we can’t avoid this, we can choose how we move on and away from these painful moments by understanding ourselves and our potential partners in deeper, more meaningful ways.

To learn more about Birdy and take our FREE personality test, click here!