Each personality type brings something different to the other types, and each combination also comes with different struggles. Stijn (ENFP – Bluebird) and Puji (INTJ – Owl) shared their experiences with us to help us better understand the dynamics of an ENFP + INTJ relationship.
What an ENFP can bring to an INTJ
It is important for INTJs to have deep and meaningful conversations, small talk is not really their thing. It is easy for an ENFP to have these deep conversations with them. And when an INTJ becomes judgmental and very set in their opinion, an ENFP can help them see more points of view. They can open their eyes to look at situations from different perspectives and to stop the INTJs from judging too fast.
This awareness of the different perspectives also enables ENFPs to show INTJs that not everything is bad. That there is beauty in life. ENFPs make the life of INTJs more colorful and help them bring out their inner child.
ENFPs also take any “tests” that an INTJ might throw at them when they first meet, in a stride. In this case Puji (INTJ) tested Stijn’s (ENFP) reliability and respect, if he treats women as his equal, and if he is helpful or ashamed of her when she is a little clumsy.
In addition Stijn enjoyed the many direct and confrontational questions Puji asked him because she challenged him and really cared about his responses.
What an INTJ brings to an ENFP
This is something that an INTJ also brings to an ENFP. The constant challenging of ideas and dreams. Encouraging the ENFP to really think about their responses. And what an ENFP then values the most, is how much an INTJ is genuinely interested in their responses and wants them to share their real feelings.
An ENFP feels at home with an INTJ, because they can really be themselves and are challenged every day to be the best versions of themselves.
Even though INTJs are not a feeling type, they help ENFPs to be strong in their emotions and to express them freely. Stijn (ENFP) has shared the widest spectrum of emotions with Puji (INTJ) that he has ever experienced. And every day his relationship with Puji gives him something where he feels like he is exactly where he needs to be.
Struggles between ENFP and INTJ
It can happen that the INTJ will keep their feelings and problems to themselves, while the ENFP will overshare. Also, the INTJ might not even know exactly what they are feeling since it is hard for them to recognize their emotions. So the INTJ shuts down and then the ENFP assaults them with their emotions.
To deal with that problem, the ENFP can try to rationalize and verbalize their feelings so the INTJ can understand them better. Which in turn can help them understand their own emotions.
Compliments and words of affirmation are very important to ENFPs. They like being appreciated even for the small things (“thanks for getting the groceries”), while INTJs typically only acknowledge the big things. But as soon as an INTJ realizes the effect of those small appreciations they try to express them more often.
ENFPs might have to get used to being ignored when an INTJ needs space or is really focused on something. And an INTJ has to reign in their frustration when an ENFP tries to get their attention. But they can also find a balance like Stijn and Puji, where Stijn doesn’t try to push through to Puji when she is really focused on something, but uses that time instead to act and do things he knows Puji will appreciate. This draws her attention to him in a positive way while also being productive.
What ENFP and INTJ bring to each other
Because of their complementary first function (Ne – Ni), ENFPs and INTJs usually don’t need many words to understand each other. Still, they can talk for a long time about a variety of different things. And throughout the conversation there is a deep respect for one another and real interest in their opinions. This connection comes very naturally and they don’t really have to put any effort into these conversations.
INTJs and ENFPs also balance each other out very well. For example, when the INTJ withdraws, the ENFP can build a bridge for communication. When the INTJ thinks too much, the ENFP can help them understand their emotions better. And vice versa of course.
This is a very surface level analysis of an ENFP + INTJ relationship, if you want to know more about the compatibility between the two types, you can read our article on Type Compatibility, with special focus on the Ne-Ni (extroverted intuition and introverted intuition) compatibility since those are the primary cognitive functions of the ENFP + INTJ.
If, after reading this, you would like to connect with an ENFP or an INTJ, you should download our app for iOS or Android and join the Birdy Flock. You can learn more about yourself and the people in your life, and connect with Birdys of all personality types.
Disclaimer: These insights into an ENFP + INTJ relationship are based solely on the individual experiences of Stijn (ENFP – Bluebird) and Puji (INTJ – Owl). It does not mean that every relationship involving an ENFP and an INTJ will be exactly the same. But we are hoping it will give you a general idea of what you can look forward to and what to be aware of.